How stay motivated while writing a memoir
Writing a memoir can be a wonderful and creative experience. It’s a way to learn more about ourselves, explore our past, and consider our relationships. We might want to share our story, offer a lesson to others, or create a history for our children. But to accomplish our goal, we have to find ways to stay motivated through the sometimes unexpectedly long process of writing our memoir!
As you’ve likely experienced, it’s usual to start any big creative project with a lot of enthusiasm—which, like caffeine, can fuel us for the beginning of the journey. However, that early burst of energy may fade when we face the uncertainties and demands that accompany any significant creative process.
Why we lose motivation while writing a memoir
Writing a memoir can be a particularly daunting project. Many writers begin with the idea that they’re simply going to “write down what happened.” But crafting a memoir is usually much more layered than that. We not only need to remember events, but to reflect on how we felt during those events and how they affected us in the long term.
Potential roadblocks
Some roadblocks you might encounter in the memoir-writing process include fear of others reading and reacting to what you’ve written, wondering if what you have to say is “important enough” to warrant a book, and worry about legalities like libel and defamation.
Any of these might stop you in your writing tracks!
Ways to stay motivated while writing a memoir
Address your fears:
- Talk through difficult questions with a writing coach, editor, or mentor.
- Get legal or publishing advice to address concerns about privacy, names, or exposure. (Self-Publisher’s Legal Handbook by Helen Sedwick and Memoir Writing for Dummies by Ryan G. Van Cleave are both excellent resources for legal questions like these.)
- Allow yourself to write exploratory material that may never appear in the final book. (See “Give yourself permission,” below.)
Learn more about crafting a memoir:
- Take an online or in-person memoir class. (I recommend Gotham Writers Workshop online courses.)
- Read others’ memoirs.
- Read about writing memoir. (The Art of Memoir by Mary Karr is terrific! My article “Memoir Writing Basics You Need to Know” offers a quick dive into the topic.)
Get further support:
- Join a memoir writers’ group. (National Association of Memoir Writers)could be a great place to start your search.)
- Identify a trusted reader.
- Consider consulting a counselor to advise you as you write.
While early motivation is often fueled by urgency, emotion, or the desire to tell one’s story, it’s easy to be thrown off track by uncertainty in any of the above areas. However, if you keep addressing your concerns as they arise, you are likely to find ways to continue on your path—and even enjoy the process.
Give yourself permission
Permission Slip: As I mentioned above, it can be amazingly freeing to allow yourself to just explore all aspects of your story—the good, the bad, and even the potentially embarrassing—in an early draft meant for no one’s eyes but your own. Knowing that you don’t need to share all (or any) of what you write in that version allows you the space to “think things out on the page.” Remember: You can always make decisions about what to keep and what to leave out in subsequent drafts.
Permission Slip: Although this may be counterintuitive, it’s not necessarily useful to start to at the beginning of your story. If you have launched an early draft from the beginning, and you find yourself stuck or unmotivated, try this exercise: Make a quick bullet list of incidents, scenes, and people that had an impact on your story. Include moments that feel vivid and alive to you, still. Don’t worry about chronology—what happened when. Instead, randomly pick from the list and start writing!
One stuck memoir writer I know became re-energized once she stopped trying to force herself to tell her story chronologically. When she tried this approach, her writing woke up—and she found her engagement with her memoir refreshed and renewed.
Permission Slip: Writing teacher Natalie Goldberg said that writers “live twice.” Memoir, in particular, invites us to return to moments we may never have examined with such care before. Rather than avoiding even difficult moments from your story, perhaps you’ll find you can appreciate the perspective having distance from life events offers you. This may be motivating in itself.
Let the process show you something new
Often, memoir writers discover new layers of meaning while they’re writing.
They may:
- change their perspective
- deepen their understanding
- remember additional material
- or realize the memoir is actually about something different than they first thought
That unfolding process is not necessarily a distraction from the work. Often, it is the work.
A final thought
If your motivation fades while writing your memoir, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve chosen the wrong project. It may simply mean you’ve reached a more demanding phase of the process.
Memoir writing asks for:
- persistence
- reflection
- patience
- and a willingness to stay with uncertainty for a while
For many writers, this is what makes the process meaningful.
Writing a memoir can be deeply rewarding—but not necessarily easy. I’ve written an article that offers guidance for the journey: “How to Write a Memoir.”
If you’re interested in my approach to writing, you might also take a look at my books:
Plotting Your Novel with the Plot Clock and Jamie Helps Mel Write a Novel.
Could you use some support as you write your memoir? I work with memoir writers at all stages of the process. Whether you’re just finding your way into your story or you have a complete draft, I can help.
Visit my contact page, and let’s connect.