Should You Use Real Names When Writing a Memoir?

Should You Use Real Names When Writing a Memoir?

One question memoir writers often ask is whether they should use real names when writing their book. Will it protect the privacy of people they’re writing about? Will doing so minimize conflict—or, importantly, keep the writer out of legal “trouble”?

These are all important considerations. But, unfortunately, simply changing the names of people portrayed in your memoir won’t, generally, accomplish what you might hope.

What Memoir Writers Hope Changing Names Will Accomplish

Memoir writers often hope changing names will:

• protect the privacy of friends or family members
• reduce the likelihood of conflict with the people they write about
• prevent people from recognizing themselves
• reduce legal risk
• make their memoir feel safer to publish

While changing names may help with some of these concerns, it’s not a fix-all solution.

What Changing Names Actually Accomplishes

Changing names can:

• create a (thin) layer of privacy
• obscure identities from casual readers
• reduce immediate recognizability
• signal an attempt to protect others’ identities

Also, when a writer is working through emotionally difficult experiences, changing the names of people in their memoir may make it easier for them to write honestly in their early drafts.

What Changing Names Does Not Accomplish

What changing names won’t necessarily accomplish:

• prevent someone from recognizing themselves
• prevent others from recognizing them
• eliminate legal risk
• protect a writer from accusations of defamation
• or guarantee privacy

This may seem surprising, but people can still be identified through relationships, locations, professions, physical descriptions, and other contextual details. Because of that, simply changing names does not offer the protections you might think it does.

In other words, changing “John” to “Michael” may not accomplish much if everyone in the family still knows exactly who “Michael” is supposed to be.

If You Truly Want to Reduce Identifiability

There are other strategies to obscure the identity of people in one’s memoir. You might try any of the following:

• alter identifying details (like relationships, locations, professions, physical descriptions, etc.)
• create composite characters (by combining traits, experiences, or actions from multiple real people into a single figure on the page)
• change locations and compress timelines
• remove highly specific events
• or omit certain material entirely

An author’s note can be included to explain such changes. However, when writers alter information in these ways, it may raise important questions about factual accuracy in their readers’ minds.

A Word About Libel, Defamation, and Other Legal Concerns

Memoir writers are often surprised to discover how legally complicated personal narrative can become. I am not a lawyer (and nothing in this article should be considered legal advice!). But I am fairly risk averse. And I know just enough about the possible complications that come with writing about real folks to understand that, as a memoir writer, you’ll likely benefit from receiving expert advice in these legal matters.

This is especially true if your memoir includes:

• accusations of abuse
• criminal behavior
• addiction
• infidelity
• professional misconduct
• or other potentially damaging claims about identifiable people

If these concerns are relevant to your project, it may help to:

• consult a publishing attorney
• read publishing-law resources
• discuss concerns with an experienced memoir coach or editor
• or learn more about how memoirists handle issues of privacy and identification

A Final Thought Regarding Using Real Names in Your Memoir

So, should you use real names when you’re writing your memoir? This is an important point to consider. And while this seems to me to be a situation where it’s better to “ask permission” (meaning, get competent, appropriate legal advice) before you publish, rather than “ask forgiveness” in the aftermath, try not to let these concerns stop you from writing altogether.

Yes, you want to protect yourself and those you care about—you do not need to make final decisions about names while drafting. Trying to solve every legal, ethical, or relational concern before you begin writing can shut the process down entirely. Questions about pseudonyms, identifying details, disclaimers, permissions, and legal review can come later.

The first task is simply to begin writing your story.