5 Memoir Writing Mistakes That Keep Writers Stuck
There are a lot of “5 Memoir Writing Mistakes” articles on the web! The reason I’m writing yet another one is that I think (hope!) I have something new to bring to the party. I’ve coached memoir writers for many years, and I’ve seen where they seem to trip up most often. For sure, they don’t get stuck because they don’t have a story. Rather, they often stumble in their approach to the writing process itself.
Here are some of the most common mistakes I see memoir writers make—many of which have nothing to do with talent, and everything to do with understanding the process.
1. Starting at the Beginning: The Most Common of Memoir Writing Mistakes
It’s natural to think you need to start your memoir at the beginning of your life. We want readers to understand where we came from, right? But unless your story is actually about a childhood event (in which case, start there), it’s generally better to begin closer to the situation or circumstances that were the springboard for the experience you want to share.
Even if you don’t have the urge to start with childhood memories, you might still feel it’s important to provide a historical context for what’s to follow. That’s fair! But when you explain too much that happened before your actual story begins—like family history or other background information—your opening pages fill with explanations that are not yet meaningful to your reader. Readers do not need to know everything at once. They need a reason to care about you, first.
Perhaps the core of your story is about a difficult passage in your life: starting over after a painful divorce, for example, or dealing with a devastating medical diagnosis and the long road of treatment and recovery. Or, you might have been offered a sudden opportunity that took you in an unexpected direction, and that’s the story you want to tell.
Either way, starting at the moment when something begins to change creates a dynamic entry into your memoir. Readers will be instantly engaged by meeting you at this moment of crisis or decision, the point where something is set in motion and you swan dive into change. Whether accident, opportunity, or chance, start there! Then you can weave in relevant backstory as you move your memoir forward.
For more suggestions about how best to include backstory, read my article “10 Ways to Use Backstory in a Novel or Memoir.”
2. Determining Your Entire Story Before You Start Writing
On the other hand, you may think you already know all the angles of the story you want to tell, even before you start. And for sure it’s great to have a plan, a structure, a loose outline in mind. These can provide guardrails to keep you on track.
But be prepared! You’re bound to surprise yourself in the drafting process. Famously, short story writer Flannery O’Connor said, “I write to discover what I know.” And that may be the same for you. You may come to understand people, events, even the meaning of your story, differently than you did before you began writing.
So, stay open. If your writing offers you previously untraveled roads, take them! Your journey may challenge some of your preconceptions. But you can always turn around and return to your previously mapped direction. Still, it’s often the case that clarity—and the truth you want to tell—comes through your writing, not before it.
3. Misunderstanding the Drafting Process
Writing a memoir is a process—and one that is likely to take you through several iterations (called “drafts”) of your full story. Therefore, it can be helpful to prepare yourself to write it in stages.
Your earliest telling of your story is what you might think of as an “exploratory draft” or a “zero draft.” In an exploratory draft, you’re just trying to get all of your ideas on the page without worrying about writing style, structure, organization, or even contradictions in your memory of your experiences. It is not meant to be readable yet!
Once you’ve completed that, it’s easier to see what’s missing, where your story actually begins, and what the most impactful events were. In your official “first draft” then, you organize the elements from your exploratory draft, perhaps adding important information and tucking in backstory where it’s needed.
After finishing that “first” draft, you might want to get a (trusted!) reader to review your manuscript. Getting fresh eyes on material you’re so close to is invaluable. This doesn’t mean you must agree with everything they say! But their feedback, together with your own instincts, will guide you to make changes that will improve your third draft.
In my experience, embracing this unwieldy process actually leads to the richest final results. And, truly, if you try to make your earliest drafts too “good,” you’re likely to frustrate yourself and lose momentum, slowing yourself down, anyway.
4. Underestimating How Long The Process Takes
Writing a memoir takes longer than you probably expect: Not months. Years. You might think that once you get going, your story will take shape easily. But, in my experience, it’s a more complex process than it may seem.
When I first meet a memoir writer, it’s not uncommon for them to have dozens of pages that list events that happened to them, but that don’t yet have an arc. The arc, that rise and fall of tension and resolution, is what characterizes narrative writing. Turning raw material—the events—into a memoir requires skills that take time to master. And if this is your first book, you’re not just telling your story (which is daunting enough!), you’re learning the craft of long-form writing at the same time.
When writers don’t expect this, they can become (reasonably!) frustrated. But it isn’t a sign that the project isn’t working. It’s a sign that they need to dig deeper or level up their skills—both of which simply take (yup) more time.
If you’re writing a memoir, you deserve huge respect! You’re not just telling a story. You’re processing your experience at a deep level and then learning how to shape it into something that will engage your readers.
And all that takes time.
The Final and Most Important of My 5 Memoir Writing Mistakes:
Asking, “Does This Even Matter?”
At some point, almost every memoir writer asks:
- Is my story important?
- Why would anyone care?
- Is this worth writing?
These are completely relatable questions—but they are actually not relevant to the writing process! In fact, if you give those worries too much weight, they’re likely to capsize your memoir before it even gets started.
Believe me, your first job as a memoir writer is to get a draft of your story down on paper. Your second job is to revise that draft and make it stronger.
Rather than thinking about others’ opinions, learn your craft. Commit to the process. Do the good work for its own sake—and for yours.
If you enjoyed this insight into 5 memoir writing mistakes, you might also enjoy my article “How to Write a Memoir.” Because the more you know, the fewer the bumps in your road.
If you’re interested in my approach to writing, you might also take a look at my books:
Plotting Your Novel with the Plot Clock and Jamie Helps Mel Write a Novel.
Could you use some support as you write your memoir? I work with memoir writers at all stages of the process. Whether you’re just finding your way into your story or you have a complete draft, I can help.
Visit my contact page, and let’s connect.