I’ve fielded many questions about memoir writing over the years. In this post, I’ve assembled the most common questions I hear from memoir writers. Read on to get answers and additional resources to explore.
Getting Started
Is my life interesting enough to write a memoir? Almost certainly, yes! But maybe not for the reason you think. You don’t need to have lived a particularly eventful life to write a compelling memoir. Readers very often look to memoirs to find a truthful exploration of the types of events they themselves may have lived through.
This could include divorce, a difficult medical diagnosis, a tough childhood, or a grievous loss. If you can name what you learned or how you changed because of your experiences, you have enough to start writing.
Read more: Is Your Life Interesting Enough to Write a Memoir?
I’ve journaled for years. Is that enough to start a book? Journaling is great. Reviewing years of journal entries can garner you wonderful raw material to develop into your memoir. But transcribing even the most meticulously kept of journals is unlikely to net you a completed manuscript.
In a journal, you’re recording what happened as you lived it, in the moment, usually without having time to reflect on what it meant. When you write a memoir, you may be dealing with exactly what you’ve journaled for years. But in that memoir version, you’ll be looking back on those events to find the ways in which you changed because of them.
Read more: How to Turn Your Journals Into a Memoir
Am I Ready to Write My Memoir?
How do I know when I’m ready to write about something painful? Can you write about it? In full sentences? Complete scenes? That may be the best test. If putting your experience into words spirals you back into pain too deep to write your way out of, give it more time.
While writing about the painful times in our lives can definitely help us on the road to healing. But it’s not therapy on its own. If you’re not ready to share your experience, try writing about it for yourself, first. Take your time. Natalie Goldberg talks about how we may need to return again and again to aspects of our lives before we have explored them enough to share them publicly.
For now, ask yourself if you can look steadily enough at your experience to shape it into a narrative. Can you find the personal arc you underwent from living through the pain? If so, you’re ready.
Read more: Is Writing a Memoir Therapeutic?
Truth, Privacy, and Other People
Do I have to use real names? No. You can change names, combine minor characters (called composite characters), or refer to people by their role (“my sister,” “the doctor”) instead of by name. What you can’t do is change what happened. The events need to stay true. The names you use as you describe the events can be changed.
Read more: Should You Use Real Names When Writing a Memoir
What if my family doesn’t want me to write this? This is a hard one. Your story includes other people. Even if your family (or former employer, coach, or friend group) doesn’t want you to “air your dirty laundry” (because they’re worried about how it’s going to make them look), ultimately, it’s not up to them.
What can you do? Write with honesty rather than to settle a score. Be clear in your memoir that these are your memories, not a definitive record. Change identifying details. Or, finally, you might wait until a family member or other person has passed.
Am I allowed to write about events I don’t remember perfectly? Yes. Memory is not a courtroom transcript. Most memoir writers include an author’s note acknowledging that the dialogue and some details are reconstructed to the best of their memory. Readers understand this. They’re looking to you for emotional honesty, not forensic accuracy.
Memoir Writing Questions About Craft Basics
Does a memoir have to be told in order? Not at all. Chronological order is one option, but plenty of memoirs open at a moment of high tension and circle back, or braid two timelines together, or organize around a recurring object or place rather than a strict timeline. The right structure is whichever one serves the narrative you’re telling — not a rule you have to follow.
Read more: Should You Write Your Memoir in Chronological Order?
How much of my life should I include? This is one of the most common memoir writing questions. And the answer is: probably less than you think. An autobiography covers your whole life, roughly in order, and aims to be complete. In your memoir, you are either focusing on one aspect of your life: a theme, a period, a relationship. (Your grandmother’s legacy, for example, or the year you spent on an archeology dig.)
Autobiography asks “what happened.” Memoir asks “what did it mean.” If something isn’t directly relevant to your memoir topic, theme, or time period, but still feels like information the reader requires, share it on a need-to-know basis.
Read more: The Difference Between Memoir and Autobiography
Writing Tips from Novelists
How do I turn my memories into a story people will want to read? Take your cues from the novel-writer’s craft. Mastering a few narrative techniques will help you engage readers and keep them turning pages.
Scene. This is where you slow down and let the reader live through a moment with you. Use dialogue and sensory detail to create a sense of real time unfolding.
Summary. This guides readers across the uneventful days (or years) between impactful scenes. “That whole winter, my mother called every Sunday” gives your reader a sense of time passing without them having to read a play-by-play of three months of phone calls.
Reflection. This is when you, as the narrator, steps back from what’s happening to explore the meaning behind it. These are the “what I didn’t understand then” moments.
Backstory and flashback. Backstory informs the reader of important events that occurred before your story starts. Flashback is one way to deliver backstory. It’s a memory written as a full, if brief, scene. It explains or deepens what’s happening in the present of your story.
Questions About Publishing Your Memoir
Do I need an agent to publish a memoir? For a traditional publishing deal with a major press, yes. Most major publishers only consider manuscripts submitted by literary agents. But traditional publishing isn’t the only path. Small presses don’t require an agent. And neither does self-publishing. Each of these options comes with its own tradeoffs in control, cost, and reach.
What if I never want to publish it? Should I still write it? Yes. Writing a memoir and publishing it are two separate decisions. Some writers complete a manuscript and then, for a variety of reasons, decide not to publish. So, why bother? The process of clarifying and making meaning of your story by putting it into language may be deeply worthwhile, whether or not another person ever reads it.
Read more: Why You Shouldn’t Write a Memoir
How long does it usually take to write a memoir? Longer than you’d like, and that’s normal. Most memoir writers spend several years on a full draft, often more if the material is emotionally difficult. It’s a process, and a potentially deep one.
Do You Have More Memoir Writing Questions?
Of course, these questions are just the tip of the iceberg. If you want to keep exploring from there, here are a few resources to consider:
- Memoir Writing for Dummies—a solid, comprehensive craft book if you want the fundamentals laid out in full.
- The National Association of Memoir Writers (NAMW)—a community of memoir writers offering ongoing support, not just a one-time answer.
- The Memoir Nation podcast, hosted by Brooke Warner and Grant Faulkner—episode-based, so you can go straight to whichever topic you’d like to learn more about.
Memoir writing questions arise—and can be answered—in the process of writing your story. If you’re writing your memoir and have questions, I can help. Visit my contact page, and let’s connect. You might also be interested in my books: Plotting Your Novel with the Plot Clock and Jamie Helps Mel Write a Novel.