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10 Ways to Use Backstory in a Novel or Memoir

When we consider backstory, we see it is a crucial element in any novel or memoir. Backstory adds depth and complexity to characters and plot. But how do you use it effectively without overwhelming your readers or slowing down the narrative? In this post, we’ll explore 10 ways to use backstory in your writing, and we’ll highlight some common mistakes to avoid.

What Is Backstory and Why Is It Important in Writing?

Backstory refers to the events and experiences that happen before the start of your novel or memoir. It’s what shapes your characters’ motivations, fears, and desires. When used well, backstory adds richness to your narrative and helps readers connect with your characters on a deeper level.

10 Ways to Use Backstory in Memoir vs. Novels

For memoir writers, backstory functions a little differently than in novels. Since a memoir is a reflection on the author’s real life, backstory often serves to contextualize key moments. While novelists create fictional pasts for their characters, memoir writers use backstory to explain personal events, emotional growth, or formative experiences that influence the main narrative.

Memoir backstory also has an added layer of authenticity and emotional resonance because it’s grounded in reality. However, like in fiction, memoirists must balance how much of their past they reveal at once. The trick is to provide enough backstory to make the present compelling without overwhelming readers with unnecessary details.

1. Drip Backstory in Slowly

Instead of overwhelming readers with all the details at once, reveal your character’s past gradually. A slow, steady reveal builds intrigue and keeps readers invested.

What Not to Do: Avoid info dumps—long, dense passages of backstory that stop the story in its tracks.

2. Make Backstory Relevant to the Plot

Use backstory to explain character motivations or drive the plot forward. If a backstory detail doesn’t affect the present, leave it out.

What Not to Do: Don’t include backstory that doesn’t have an impact on the character’s current journey or decisions.

3. Reveal Backstory Through Dialogue

Let characters naturally reveal parts of their backstory through conversations. This adds depth without slowing the plot.

What Not to Do: Don’t make characters awkwardly state known facts. Dialogue should flow naturally, not feel like an exposition dump.

4. Use Flashbacks Sparingly

A flashback is a narrative device that shows events from the past as if they’re happening in real time, in a fully dramatized scene. This allows the reader to experience the moment vividly, as though it’s unfolding in the present. Flashbacks are powerful but should be used with caution. A well-placed flashback can shed light on pivotal moments in a character’s past.

Memoir writers often use flashbacks to return to specific memories that explain personal transformations or life-changing events. Just like in fiction, memoir flashbacks should illuminate something relevant to the current timeline.

What Not to Do: Too many flashbacks can disrupt the pacing of your novel or memoir.

5. Tie Backstory to Character Motivation

Ensure that your character’s backstory explains their present behavior. This gives readers insight into why your character makes certain choices.

What Not to Do: Avoid backstory that feels disconnected from the main plot or doesn’t influence the character’s actions.

6. Show, Don’t Tell

Instead of telling readers about your character’s past, show how it impacts their present through actions and behavior. For example, a character with trust issues may hesitate to form close relationships, hinting at their backstory.

What Not to Do: Don’t rely on long internal monologues to explain the past.

7. Use Sensory Details for Backstory

Ground backstory in sensory experiences like smells or sounds. This makes the flashback or memory more vivid and emotional for readers.

What Not to Do: Avoid sensory overload. Too many details can overwhelm the reader and detract from the main story.

8. Let Readers Fill in the Gaps

Allow readers to infer parts of the backstory on their own. This can create a sense of mystery and make the eventual reveal more satisfying.

What Not to Do: Don’t leave critical parts of the backstory too vague—readers need enough information to understand the story.

9. Show How Backstory Affects Relationships

Backstory is essential in showing how characters’ relationships evolve. Conflicts or bonds formed in the past can explain present tensions or alliances.

What Not to Do: Don’t let backstory drive all character dynamics. Present interactions should develop relationships, too.

10. Use Backstory to Create Conflict

Use unresolved issues from the past to add tension to the current plot. A buried secret or a past failure can create conflict and keep readers engaged.

What Not to Do: Don’t let the backstory overshadow the main plot. The past should enhance the present, not dominate it.

Avoid These Mistakes When Applying Any of the 10 Ways to Use Backstory

Don’t Overload the Beginning: Introduce backstory gradually; readers don’t need to know everything upfront.
Avoid Clichés: Overused tropes, like tragic childhoods, can feel stale unless you bring a fresh angle.
Don’t Use Backstory as a Crutch: Characters should still be accountable for their actions, regardless of their past.

In Conclusion: Backstory, when used effectively, can enhance the emotional depth of your novel or memoir. By introducing it gradually, making it relevant, and tying it into character motivation, you’ll keep your readers engaged without slowing down the action. Mastering the balance between past and present will enrich your story and deepen the connection between your characters and your readers.

Backstory: Writing from the Rear View Mirror

YOU KNOW HOW THINGS LOOK DIFFERENT IN THE REAR VIEW MIRROR? A backwards glance can offer us a new perspective on where we’ve been. Like a literary rear view mirror, backstory lets readers know where we—or our characters—have come from. In doing so, backstory can reveal a character’s motivation, which, in turn, may elicit sympathy for that character’s present, less-appealing actions or attitudes.

What is backstory?

A definition
Whether we’re writing memoir, fiction, or a piece of literary journalism, backstory gives context to the story being told. It comprises events—internal (an anxiety attack, for example) or external (loss of a child, for example)—which have occurred before the story starts and are relevant to the story being told.

For example
In a story about a dissolving marriage, the loss of the couple’s child would certainly be relevant. If the child died before we meet the couple, then the death and the characters’ subsequent emotions are backstory—relevant past events.

However
In a story about a woman wanting to break the World Land Speed Record, the loss of the main character’s best friend’s child would likely not be relevant to the unfolding of the main story thread.

How can we use backstory most effectively?

Wait, wait, don’t tell me!
Opinions (of course) vary about how soon is too soon to incorporate backstory. For instance, brilliant film-and-novel-writing guy Robert McKee of STORY fame says to avoid backstory completely for the first three chapters! He believes this gives readers a chance to attach to the forward-moving story, creating a reason for them to care about what’s come before.

Other quite successful writers, however, actually start with backstory. In fact, thriller writer Julie Compton and I created a backstory workshop based on her well-received novel RESCUING OLIVIA, which introduces a fairly lengthy backstory passage quite early in the book. (CLICK HERE to read a post that uses RESCUING OLIVIA’S opening for an example.)

It is typical, though, for writers to hit the ground running. They’ll often start a first chapter in media res (in the middle of the present action), and then, in chapter two, turn back to consider earlier events to give their opening context.

Just say no to the info dump!
An “info dump” is a big chunk of information—especially backstory—“dumped” onto the page all at once. Whether your dump truck delivers your backstory via dialogue, narration, or internal narrative, readers will have trouble processing, and thus, remembering, backstory given in too big a lump.

Breadcrumbs
Instead, think of backstory as breadcrumbs. Scatter small bits along the unfolding story path, informing your reader of what’s happened in the past on a need-to-know basis.

Ways and means committee
Among other techniques, you might deliver backstory via

  • flashback (a past experience given in scene—including sensory detail and a “real-time” unfolding of events)
  • dialogue (your characters simply discuss events that happened before the story started)
  • or as internal narrative (your character remembers events and considers them internally).

Light touch
No matter how you deliver it, though, use as light a hand with backstory as you can. Err on the side of less is more.

Novel-writing resources

Enough about me! What do other folks have to say about backstory?

I’ve already cited Robert McKee’s STORY, but it bears repeating—and reading.

Tom Farr of The Writing Cooperative has some good pointers in his “The Art of Revealing Backstory,” up on the TWC site.

You might also like this WRITER’S DIGEST article: “How to Weave Backstory Into Your Novel Seamlessly,” by Brian Klems

Finally, if you want to thumb your nose at my light-hand-with-backstory approach, here’s a super-successful memoir that shovels in about one full ton of backstory—in pretty large doses—and does so beautifully: WILD, by Cheryl Strayed.

***

Thanks to Caleb Whiting on Unsplash for Creative Commons photo.

Why Hire a Book Coach: Jen’s Story

Perhaps you’re wondering, Why hire a book coach? Jen’s story, below, will give you a novel writer’s first-hand experience of working with a professional book coach.

When Jen first contacted me, she’d completed a Young Adult (YA) novel and had already been under contract with a literary agent for a year. Unfortunately, the agent was not able to sell the book. The editors rejecting Jen’s manuscript said things like: “The plot was slow-moving,” “I found my interest waning by the third chapter,” and “I couldn’t quite connect with the main character.”

Finally, mutually frustrated, Jen and her agent parted ways. This brought Jen to a come-to-Jesus moment with her literary career—and led her to hire a writing coach. I’m delighted that coach was me! And I’m so happy to share Jen’s thoughts on our process together.

Why hire a book coach: Jen shares her story

If you’re a writer, you spend a lot of time in your own head. If you’re not a writer, that might sound weird to you, but trust me—it’s fun! There are people in there, and they’re doing interesting things: falling in love, learning magic, murdering their families. Writers’ heads hold maps of cities and castles and the location of quicksand. They’re populated by talking animals, ghosts who refuse to speak their needs clearly, and, maybe, if we’re really good planners, several generations of violent family trauma.

See? Fun!

Writers, however, aren’t content to hang around in their own brains by themselves forever. We writers want to show-n-tell the insides of our brains to the world. And we want the world to love what they see. And pay us for it.

So we sit down to our laptops and we type for many years. And then we send our manuscripts to our friends and family and wait for them to say they like it. And then we email our manuscripts to carefully researched agents in New York who we’re sure are going to love it. And then we die when we receive piles of rejection letters.

But we revive ourselves and do it again. And again. Maybe we do it three times before we stand in front of our haggard reflections and ask ourselves if we should stop—forever.

We don’t, though, either because we really loved show-n-tell (and we’re still mad that Mrs. Walsh mismanaged her time and missed our turn on the last week of second grade) or because there’s something in our bones that won’t let us stop.

When to hire a book coach

After all those rounds of rejection, we realize it’s time to do something different. If we’ve got several years of free time on our hands—not to mention a spare $50,000—maybe we go back to school for a Masters of Fine Arts (MFA) in writing.

If we don’t have that luxury—and I didn’t—I highly recommend hiring a book coach.

If you’re intimidated by the cost of a writing coach, you might want to research the cost of a three-credit graduate class on novel writing. Then consider the fact that you’d be sharing your professor with your classmates. Not only that, but your class will likely end long before you finish a first draft, let alone your second.

When I found Jamie, I was in the middle of my MA in Special Education, and it put the cost in perspective. By the age of 35, I had invested tens of thousands of dollars on myself as a teacher and only a few hundred dollars on myself as a writer. I decided it was time to change that.

Why hire a book coach if you have a finished manuscript

I came to Jamie with a finished manuscript—my first foray into writing adult fiction, rather than my seemingly unmarketable YA novels. But no matter how many times I revised it, it wasn’t working.

We decided to go back to the beginning of the process—back to story concept. That meant I had to trust Jamie with the raw contents of my brain, and it wasn’t easy. Jamie, however, is a big fan of raw brain. She’s an idea zombie, if you will—deeply interested in the process. I learned to trust her to help me untangle the contents of my gray matter and weave them into a cohesive story, one that connects with readers.

Not show-n-tell

Writing a novel is inherently a lonely process. While it may not be show-n-tell, writing is a way to make a human connection. (Maybe AI is going to write the next novel. And maybe it will be entertaining. But I daresay readers want satisfying connections with characters, understanding that another human designed that character and her journey.)

Leo Tolstoy said, “Art is a microscope which the artist fixes on the secrets of his soul, and shows to people these secrets which are common to all.” Writing 400 pages of the secrets of your soul just to receive a “no thanks” earns you membership in an especially sad club.

You start to wonder if there’s something wrong with you—something about your secrets that really are uncommon.

And then you meet Jamie, who tells you that’s crazy, to get back to work. The issue isn’t that you’re too weird, she’ll say. It’s that you’re not being weird enough. From there, you discover the secret to connecting to readers is mastering the craft. It’s a skill. It’s hard work. That narrative structure, the Hero’s Journey—the one that’s been in literally every story ever since the dawn of human language—it exists for a reason.

No, it’s not easy to master. But Jamie is a plotting expert with a keen eye for characterization. She’s a voracious reader with a book recommendation for exactly what you need to work on this month. She’s a cheerleader and a tough-love distributor. Family and friends will pretend to like your work when it’s bad. Jamie will not. She’s your personal trainer who’s going to tell you that you need to work harder, but she’s also going to make sure you’re not wasting your valuable time working harder on the wrong things.

Welcome to the book coach reality show

Working with Jamie hasn’t exactly been the show-n-tell I’ve wished for; it’s more like being a contestant on one of those reality TV shows. You know. The ones where the straight-shooting declutterer holds your hand as you tearfully toss four of your five chipped Teflon pans into a distended garbage bag. Just like that host, though, Jamie reassures you that, somewhere, behind those dutch ovens and glass casseroles, there’s going to be a story people—editors included—will love.

And I believe her.

—Jen Russ

Struggling to get published? A top book coach might help! Let’s chat.

Writing coach Jamie Morris, pictured smiling, can help you learn how to self-publish your book. I love story—and the characters that live through their stories. I’ve helped many novelists develop their plots in ways that make them more engaging and more marketable. If you’re working on a novel and wonder how to make it more successful, schedule a free writing consultation with me. Also, check out THE WRITER mag article “Should I Hire a Writing Coach.”

A Novel That’s a Tarot Writing Prompt: Story Archetypes

LIKE THE YOUNGEST SON OF FAIRY-TALE FAME, the tarot Fool leaps into whatever wild undertaking has captured his imagination—and thus begins his journey. Similar to Joseph Campbell’s hero’s journey, or Christopher Vogler’s THE WRITER’S JOURNEY, the quest the Fool embarks upon is called “the Fool’s Journey.” On his path, he meets—and is schooled by—the other cards in tarot’s major arcana, figures like the Magician, the High Priestess, and the Hermit.

The impulsive young hero at the center of THE STOCKHOLM OCTAVO, a historical novel by Karen Engelmann, is an eighteenth-century secretaire named Emil Larsson, who is also on a Fool’s journey of sorts. Emil’s journey starts when mysterious psychic (and Swedish Royalist) Mrs. Sparrow lays tarot cards for Emil in a pattern she calls “the Octavo.”

This layout consists of a central card, which represents Emil, surrounded by eight additional cards, that, Mrs. Sparrow explains, signify people and events Emil will encounter as he fulfills his destiny. Dealt randomly into their positions, these eight cards stand for what she calls a Companion, a Prisoner, a Teacher, a Courier, a Trickster, a Magpie, a Prize, and a Key. It’s up to Emil to distinguish who is whom and which is which!

Tarot writing prompt

As befits an idea that sustains a 400-page novel, this is a long-ish prompt. You might dive in and work through all the steps in one go (long weekend, anyone?). Or perhaps you’d prefer to proceed as Mrs. Sparrow did, when she doled out her reading for Emil, one card at a time, over eight consecutive nights.

Alternatively, of course, you can just dip in when you’re stuck mid-draft and need some literary fuel to get your story back on the road.

PICK AND CHOOSE: To start, you’ll need a pool of images to choose from. A tarot deck is ideal, but so is a stack of intriguing pictures torn from magazines. (If you’re going the magazine route, find at least twenty pictures to work with.) Sort through your images and find one to represent your main character, your Hero. Lay that image on a flat surface with room around it for the rest of its Octavo.

UPSIDE DOWN, BOY YOU’RE TURNING ME: Next, lay the rest of the images face down. Blindly, choose eight images from your upside-down deck or stack of magazine pics. (The point is to make yourself pick these eight images randomly.) For now, set these images aside without turning them over to peek.

ARTS AND CRAFTS TIME: Write the titles of the following eight story archetypes (which differ somewhat from those Mrs. Sparrow assigned to Emil’s cards) on eight small sticky notes:

  • Prize (what the Hero wants most; that for which he quests)
  • Herald (the character or event that reveals the quest to the Hero)
  • Antagonist (also, “Villain”; a person or force hostile to the Hero, which actively attempts to stop the Hero from completing his quest; does not need to be a person: for instance, might be a forest fire or a political situation)
  • Guardian (also, “Threshold Guardian”; ensures your Hero is worthy of crossing the threshold into their quest, proper; to do so, creates obstacles to the Hero early on that test the Hero’s mettle)
  • Sidekick (a best-friend archetype, who, notably, gets sidelined somewhere in the thick of the action)
  • Precious Child (a vulnerable story element; could be an animal, child, or family farm, for instance, which the Hero treasures and which the Antagonist threatens, raising the story stakes and tension)
  • Trickster (an unreliable, self-dealing character who creates story confusion; whose side is the Trickster really on? Maybe even the Trickster doesn’t know for sure.)
  • Mentor (a character whose story-relevant knowledge and skills are far more advanced than the Hero’s and who guides the Hero at pivotal points in his quest; notably, the Mentor must be absent at the story’s climax, so the Hero has to face the Antagonist in that final battle on his own)

Turn over your eight set-aside images, now, and randomly affix the archetype-stickies to them. (This randomness makes the story more true to our experience, as we seldom know what role a new acquaintance will play in our life or what effect an unforeseen event might have!)

RING AROUND THE ROSY (-CHEEKED HERO): Now, lay the stickied images around the one representing your Hero. Bravo! You’ve created your Hero’s Octavo!

READY, STEADY, GO! Write one scene for each archetype. Through your Hero’s eight in-scene interactions, be sure to show how his quest is affected by each of the people and/or situations represented by the image and archetype it’s been assigned.

Since these archetypes are present in most stories, once you’ve written your way through all eight interactions, you might find—voila!—you are well on your way to a draft of a novel or novella! Certainly, it’s a good weekend’s worth of work (because you and I both know the lawn—and the dishes and the bills and the litter box—can wait ’til next week).

Novel-writing inspiration (and blog-posting appreciation!)

If you’re new to the idea of story archetypes, a quick digest of a few of them is available at Graeme Shimmin’s site. You’ll find a more in-depth consideration in this PDF.

Or dive deep into Christopher Vogler’s THE WRITER’S JOURNEY. (You won’t be sorry. Tired, maybe. But not sorry!)

There’s a lovely NEW YORK TIMES book review of THE STOCKHOLM OCTAVO by Susann Cokal.

Thank you to U.S. Games Systems, Inc. for their kind permission to use images from the RIDER WAITE SMITH TAROT for my Octavo example. I’m also grateful to Illustrator Dylan Meconis, whose image of Luther as the Fool accompanies this post.

Finally, thanks to George and Sal, who knew I wouldn’t be able to resist a story based on a tarot spread.

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Tarot Writing Prompt: Only Part of the Story

IT WAS THE DAY BEFORE my father’s last Father’s Day. As was our custom, we were hanging out at Barnes and Noble, and my father told me to go pick out a book. Which I did. Then he inscribed it:

If tomorrow were Pal’s Day, instead of another tired Father’s Day, you’d get the flower for being the BEST PAL of ALL, signed, Daddy.

This sentiment may or may not have been accurate. But, at any rate, it was certainly only part of the story.

Another part of the story is this: My relationship with my father was like dancing with a lion in a cage. In this dance, a father-daughter two-step, I struggled to assert my own strength, while he unfailingly maintained the whip hand. Not, by the way, that this seemed much different to me than his other relationships—with his wives (all four of them), his other kids, his stepkids, his siblings, his colleagues.

A professor of philosophy, my father had little of the equilibrium, the perspective, the tolerance of his fellow human being you might expect of a person who has spent a lifetime studying higher thought.

Instead, he was often slashingly critical. Even vicious. Sometimes, even violent. And he was not to be questioned. For instance, once, when I asked if he had ever hit my then-adolescent stepbrother, my father rose up roaring and ordered me out of his house.

And he never really mellowed.

For my part, over the years, I alternately challenged my father and tried to appease the beast that lived inside him. For his part, he backed, against all comers, that beast—a beast that, to the end, was never done roaring.

Of course, this, too, is only part of the story.

Tarot writing prompt

Set aside thirty minutes of journaling time. Allow your writing to reflect on a less-than-perfect relationship—perhaps with your own father or a father figure. What power struggles occur within the relationship? What role do you play in that dynamic? Can you give concrete examples to illustrate the struggle?

Next, consider what might happen if you were to challenge the power dynamic, even gently—by asking a question, for instance, or changing your own behavior in some small way. Play out that potential shift by writing a scene about it.

If this personal approach cuts too close to the bone, write about a fictional character, instead, and spend some pages examining their relationship with their father.

This post was inspired by the Strength card of the tarot deck, which can refer both to our use of our personal power and to the taming of various instinctual aspects of our personality. Strength is a neutral attribute: Awareness, intention, and mastery of self all help us to use our strength wisely.

In this version of Strength, from LEGRANDE CIRCUS & SIDESHOW TAROT, the lion tamer seems to have met her match. It’s up to the viewer to imagine how this dance will end. (Image used by kind permission of U.S. Games Systems.)

Tarot Writing Prompt: Better Than 1000 Days

BETTER THAN A THOUSAND DAYS OF DILIGENT STUDY is one day with a great teacher. So says an old Japanese proverb. But you won’t even need a whole day for this exercise! You might, however, want to set aside an hour or two … perhaps with a cup of tea at your side. You’ll also want to gather some supplies: paper, a pen, and something to bookmark passages—highlighter? sticky notes? We’re going old-school, here!

Tarot writing prompt

First, choose your “teacher.” This would be a writer whose style you really admire. Grab several examples of her work—articles, books, essays, stories, poems, depending on her genre—to have at hand. Next, take your time browsing through the pieces you’ve chosen. Be on the lookout for passages (lines? paragraphs? scenes?) that are particularly pleasing to you, and bookmark them in some way.

After you’ve made it through your stack, revisit the passages you’ve marked. Now, grab that pen and a piece of paper and, simply, but with Zen-like attention, copy one (or more) of the passages exactly. This will give you almost a literal feel for the way the author puts together a paragraph (or composes a stanza or delivers a punchline). As you write, notice which parts of the passage give you particular pleasure to copy.

Once you’ve completed your copy-catting, take a few moments to name (in writing—bullet list, anybody?) what you think the writer is doing particularly well in that passage. Then, imagine how you might benefit from (further) developing the skill(s) the author demonstrates there.

FOR EXAMPLE
I picked a passage from the first chapter of Julie Compton’s Rescuing Olivia (used with permission) which I particularly admire.

“Mr. Mayfield?”

[Olivia’s] father looked up over the top of the reading glasses as if he was surprised to see Anders still in the room.

“Did I do something to offend you, sir? Is there a reason you don’t want me to see her?”

The man leaned back into his chair and sighed. “Olivia’s mother and I think that you have done quite enough for her, Andy. I’m sure the two of you have had a hell of a time together—God knows I cringe to think of the details—but it’s time for her to come home and be with family. If she’s lucky, that is.”

For a moment, Anders stood speechless, staring at him and trying to process the meaning of what he’d just said. What he’d just accused him of. If Anders had been a different sort of man, more like Lenny, he would have considered taking a swing at the guy. But if he’d been more like Lenny, he would never have been standing there discussing Olivia with her father. Olivia would never have been in his life.

“Are you saying you think I caused the accident? That it was my fault?”

Her father had turned his attention back to his damn papers, and he answered this time without even looking up. “You were driving the motorcycle, weren’t you?”

As I was copying out this passage (long hand!), I noticed how much I enjoyed the “For a moment …” paragraph. As internal narration, it both adds depth and meaning to the immediacy of the back-and-forth of the dialogue and balances it well. Also, I love the way it takes me winging out of the present of the scene with Olivia’s father into consideration of Lenny, a character I’ve yet to meet, but now am eager to—implying backstory, as it does so.

Not only does Compton’s use of internal narration and back story not slow the forward motion of the scene, but, somehow, she uses them in a way that creates suspense and builds tension. I’d like learn from this piece how to make internal narration do triple-duty in my own work—and tuck it in as seamlessly as Compton does!

UM … AND THEN?
Once I’ve completed this exercise, I trust my inner writer to take what it likes and leave the rest. At times, I find that I assimilate something of an author’s technique into my own work with little further attention. Evidently, in the words of my pal Kathleen (quoting a Zen master!), “The work will teach you how to do it.”

This post was inspired by the Hierophant, the teacher of the tarot deck. The Hierophant, who knows what’s worked in the past, suggests you learn from those who have been successful. In this way, you stand on a sturdy foundation as you prepare to make your own creative mark. Or, as my friend Daily Tarot Girl Kate said about the Hierophant, recently, “There’s something to be said for learning from people who have walked the path before you and using their way of doing things to save yourself time and energy.”

Here, the Hierophant is represented by Hermione, as “The Scholar,” from nasubionna’s Harry Potter Tarot (used with permission). Hermione is a character who studies conventional ways and wisdom—before putting her own brilliant spin on what she’s learned.

5 Memoir Writing Mistakes That Keep Writers Stuck

5 Memoir Writing Mistakes That Keep Writers Stuck

There are a lot of “5 Memoir Writing Mistakes” articles on the web! The reason I’m writing yet another one is that I think (hope!) I have something new to bring to the party. I’ve coached memoir writers for many years, and I’ve seen where they seem to trip up most often. For sure, they don’t get stuck because they don’t have a story. Rather, they often stumble in their approach to the writing process itself.

Here are some of the most common mistakes I see memoir writers make—many of which have nothing to do with talent, and everything to do with understanding the process.

1. Starting at the Beginning: The Most Common of Memoir Writing Mistakes

It’s natural to think you need to start your memoir at the beginning of your life. We want readers to understand where we came from, right? But unless your story is actually about a childhood event (in which case, start there), it’s generally better to begin closer to the situation or circumstances that were the springboard for the experience you want to share.

Even if you don’t have the urge to start with childhood memories, you might still feel it’s important to provide a historical context for what’s to follow. That’s fair! But when you explain too much that happened before your actual story begins—like family history or other background information—your opening pages fill with explanations that are not yet meaningful to your reader. Readers do not need to know everything at once. They need a reason to care about you, first.

Perhaps the core of your story is about a difficult passage in your life: starting over after a painful divorce, for example, or dealing with a devastating medical diagnosis and the long road of treatment and recovery. Or, you might have been offered a sudden opportunity that took you in an unexpected direction, and that’s the story you want to tell.

Either way, starting at the moment when something begins to change creates a dynamic entry into your memoir. Readers will be instantly engaged by meeting you at this moment of crisis or decision, the point where something is set in motion and you swan dive into change. Whether accident, opportunity, or chance, start there! Then you can weave in relevant backstory as you move your memoir forward.

For more suggestions about how best to include backstory, read my article “10 Ways to Use Backstory in a Novel or Memoir.”

2. Determining Your Entire Story Before You Start Writing

On the other hand, you may think you already know all the angles of the story you want to tell, even before you start. And for sure it’s great to have a plan, a structure, a loose outline in mind. These can provide guardrails to keep you on track.

But be prepared! You’re bound to surprise yourself in the drafting process. Famously, short story writer Flannery O’Connor said, “I write to discover what I know.” And that may be the same for you. You may come to understand people, events, even the meaning of your story, differently than you did before you began writing.

So, stay open. If your writing offers you previously untraveled roads, take them! Your journey may challenge some of your preconceptions. But you can always turn around and return to your previously mapped direction. Still, it’s often the case that clarity—and the truth you want to tell—comes through your writing, not before it.

3. Misunderstanding the Drafting Process

Writing a memoir is a process—and one that is likely to take you through several iterations (called “drafts”) of your full story. Therefore, it can be helpful to prepare yourself to write it in stages.

Your earliest telling of your story is what you might think of as an “exploratory draft” or a “zero draft.” In an exploratory draft, you’re just trying to get all of your ideas on the page without worrying about writing style, structure, organization, or even contradictions in your memory of your experiences. It is not meant to be readable yet!

Once you’ve completed that, it’s easier to see what’s missing, where your story actually begins, and what the most impactful events were. In your official “first draft” then, you organize the elements from your exploratory draft, perhaps adding important information and tucking in backstory where it’s needed.

After finishing that “first” draft, you might want to get a (trusted!) reader to review your manuscript. Getting fresh eyes on material you’re so close to is invaluable. This doesn’t mean you must agree with everything they say! But their feedback, together with your own instincts, will guide you to make changes that will improve your third draft.

In my experience, embracing this unwieldy process actually leads to the richest final results. And, truly, if you try to make your earliest drafts too “good,” you’re likely to frustrate yourself and lose momentum, slowing yourself down, anyway.

4. Underestimating How Long The Process Takes

Writing a memoir takes longer than you probably expect: Not months. Years. You might think that once you get going, your story will take shape easily. But, in my experience, it’s a more complex process than it may seem.

When I first meet a memoir writer, it’s not uncommon for them to have dozens of pages that list events that happened to them, but that don’t yet have an arc. The arc, that rise and fall of tension and resolution, is what characterizes narrative writing. Turning raw material—the events—into a memoir requires skills that take time to master. And if this is your first book, you’re not just telling your story (which is daunting enough!), you’re learning the craft of long-form writing at the same time.

When writers don’t expect this, they can become (reasonably!) frustrated. But it isn’t a sign that the project isn’t working. It’s a sign that they need to dig deeper or level up their skills—both of which simply take (yup) more time.

If you’re writing a memoir, you deserve huge respect! You’re not just telling a story. You’re processing your experience at a deep level and then learning how to shape it into something that will engage your readers.

And all that takes time.

The Final and Most Important of My 5 Memoir Writing Mistakes:
Asking, “Does This Even Matter?” 

At some point, almost every memoir writer asks:

  • Is my story important?
  • Why would anyone care?
  • Is this worth writing?

These are completely relatable questions—but they are actually not relevant to the writing process! In fact, if you give those worries too much weight, they’re likely to capsize your memoir before it even gets started.

Believe me, your first job as a memoir writer is to get a draft of your story down on paper. Your second job is to revise that draft and make it stronger.

Rather than thinking about others’ opinions, learn your craft. Commit to the process. Do the good work for its own sake—and for yours.

If you enjoyed this insight into 5 memoir writing mistakes, you might also enjoy my article “How to Write a Memoir.”  Because the more you know, the fewer the bumps in your road. 

If you’re interested in my approach to writing, you might also take a look at my books:
Plotting Your Novel with the Plot Clock and Jamie Helps Mel Write a Novel.

Black and white photo of memoir book coach Jamie Morris who writes here about 10 Memoir Mistakes to AvoidCould you use some support as you write your memoir? I work with memoir writers at all stages of the process. Whether you’re just finding your way into your story or you have a complete draft, I can help.
Visit my contact page, and let’s connect.

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Resources for Book Writers

No one writes alone—not really. These resources offer book writers a flashlight, a compass, and a bit of encouragement to keep on keeping on.

Resources for book writers

On this page, you’ll find three types of resources. First, are two books I’ve co-authored, one on the process of writing a book (Jamie Helps Mel Write a Novel) and one on narrative craft (Plotting Your Novel with the Plot Clock). Next, there are links to five articles about book writing. Finally, you’ll discover a list of additional resources—breadcrumbs that might just lead you down a path you didn’t know you were looking for.

Jamie’s books for writers

Writing a book can be messy—false starts, characters vying for attention, outlines that refuse to stay put! My co-authors and I wrote the following books in the hopes that they’ll help you wrangle the chaos—and stack pages that stick. 

Cover of book Jamie Helps Mel Write a Novel--a resource for book writersJamie Helps Mel Write a Novel is part writing guide, part conversation, part creative permission slip. In it, Jamie and Melissa—coach and writer, friend and client—explore the novel-writer’s process and invite you along for the ride. Join them as they share seven honest conversations about how a novel actually gets made.

These real, close-up-and-personal discussions helped Mel (finally) embark on her novel with confidence. Originally a podcast, their conversations—with additional, on-topic writing exercises and carefully chosen resources—are now available in book form on Amazon Kindle.

Cover of The Plot Clock, a resource for book writersPlotting Your Novel with The Plot Clock explains why (and how!) your main character dictates the action of your story. If the language of plot has seemed foreign to you, the straightforward approach that co-authors Jamie Morris (me!), Joyce Sweeney, and Tia Levings share could be the story-telling translator of your dreams.

Helpful articles for book writers

I wrote these five short articles to help you get started—or unstuck!—on your book-writing journey. Each one offers straightforward concepts and clear, actionable steps designed to move you toward your writing goals.

How to Write a Book Want to learn how to write a book? You can start today! Just apply these five bite-sized actions to your book project and watch it take shape before your eyes….

How to Write Nonfiction If you’re thinking about writing nonfiction (whether your subject is self-help, inspirational, political, or how-to), this article offers a few key points that will help you along the way….

How to Write a Memoir Writing a memoir can be a deeply rewarding journey—but also a tricky one. This article offers guidance for shaping your story in a way that honors both your truth and your readers….

How to Write a Novel We may have read hundreds of novels, but the artful way authors construct their plots may elude us. No wonder! Plotting a novel actually requires two different story-telling approaches….

Plotting Your Novel: Five Fabulous Tips! These fabulous tips come from: improvisational theater, European fairy tales, a four-pronged schematic, and the Institute for Literature. Because novelists need all the help we can get!….

 

Resources for book writers from around the web

To create this list, I went spinning out into the wide world of writers and brought back these links to tools, communities, and opportunities. Follow some links and discover some new avenues for your writing and yourself.

Making the writing happen

One Stop for Writers: This is a fantastic resource with tools to help plan, research, and write stories. It includes a “story map” feature that helps writers develop their characters, plot, and setting in a structured way. A great tool for writers who love to stay organized.

The Novel Factory: With a tag line of “Write Smarter, Not Harder,” this site offers a range of resources aimed at helping novelists become more skilled, proficient and efficient. Their “Ultimate World-Building Questionnaire looks particularly fun!

Reedsy’s Free Resources: Reedsy offers a wealth of free tools, including templates for character development, worldbuilding, and editing checklists. They also provide free educational content on topics like mastering story structure and choosing the right point of view.

Scribophile: This well-known writing community allows writers to exchange critiques and feedback on their work. It’s ideal for those seeking to improve their writing through peer feedback

Contests and grants

Almond Press: This site curates and updates a list of writing contests, which is a great way for writers to test their skills, get recognition, and even win some cash prizes. Woohoo!

Poets & Writers – Writing Contests, Grants & Awards
A comprehensive, regularly updated database featuring vetted opportunities across genres—including poetry, fiction, nonfiction, and translation. Each listing includes deadlines, entry fees, and submission guidelines, making it a trusted go-to for writers seeking recognition and support.

The Write Life’s Grants for Writers: Writers can find financial support through various grants, including ones like the Leeway Foundation Art and Change Grant, which provides up to $2,500 to support social change through writing.

Writer-to-writer support

The Insecure Writer’s Support Group: This community offers writers a place to discuss challenges like writer’s block or self-doubt, providing encouragement and strategies for overcoming these obstacles

Shut Up & Write!: This nonprofit offers free in-person and online writing groups for writers worldwide. Their goal is to help writers build consistency, overcome procrastination, and make progress on their projects. Their sessions connect you with a global network of writers who show up and write.

Small Presses

Poets & Writers Small Presses Database
For writers exploring publication avenues beyond the mainstream. This searchable database offers insights into submission guidelines, editorial preferences, and contact information for numerous small presses, helping you find the perfect fit for your work.

 
 
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“Novel” Solutions for Writing a Novel

In this article, you’ll find some “novel” solutions for writing a novel. Based on tarot and oracle cards, the ideas below will give you concrete, yet imaginative, ways to home in on and resolve stuck places in your book or writing process.

You’ll need a tarot or oracle deck for these exercises.You’ll find many cool decks on Amazon. Because this one, TAROT FOR BEGINNERS, has meanings printed right on the cards, it might be particularly useful for the exercises below.  

Solve your novel-writing problems—with cards!

Tarot and oracle decks provide both rich imagery and specific concepts for each card. Because of this, every card can offer you a new direction or perspective when you’re stuck in your novel-writing process.

While you could simply draw a single card to advise you about your writing project, novelist MK Swanson of Writing Dreamer created two multiple-card spreads to offer more targeted solutions for writing a novel. The first, the By the Plot Clock Spread, takes you on a journey around your story, making sure your plot points are sturdy and compelling. In the second, the Muddy Middle Spread, MK offers a map to guide us through the swampy middle of our narrative, by illuminating a solid path forward.

In addition, she’s shared some ideas for using the cards to support our novel-writing efforts. Thanks, MK!

Using Cards to Create Solutions for Writing a Novel:

  1. Shuffle the deck while focusing on your writing question, issue, or creative block.
  2. Draw the required number of cards for your chosen spread and lay them out in front of you.
  3. Refer to both the meaning of the cards (as written on the card or in the accompanying booklet) and their images.  This approach offers you a balance of guidance and creative flow. Use the text to ground your thinking, and let the image open up possibilities.
  4. Journal your reactions to each card, noting what stands out to you. Write freely and see where your thoughts take you.

By the Plot Clock Spread

This spread follows the arc of a story from beginning to resolution, guiding you through key plot points and character development. It’s ideal for outlining a story or deepening your understanding of the narrative flow.

How to Use the Spread:

  1. Shuffle the deck with a specific story or project in mind.
  2. Lay out seven cards in a clockwise circle, like the hours on a clock.
  3. Interpret each card based on the stage of the story it represents, using both the card meaning and image to explore plot, emotional depth, and character evolution.

Card 1: Beginning

The story begins, introducing the main characters and the setting.

  • What to look for: This card sets the tone and mood of the story. It reveals the protagonist’s world, their current state of mind, and any key relationships. The card may offer insight into the setting or atmosphere.
  • Questions to ask: Who is the protagonist at the start? What is their world like before the conflict?

Card 2: Inciting Incident

A conflict disrupts the protagonist’s world.

  • What to look for: This card introduces the central conflict or problem that will drive the story. It shakes up the protagonist’s life and creates the main tension of the narrative.
  • Questions to ask: What external or internal event disrupts the protagonist’s status quo? How does this challenge their current reality?

Card 3: Binding Point

After resisting the pull, the protagonist is drawn into their story.

  • What to look for: The protagonist initially hesitates but is eventually compelled to take action. This card explores the moment they commit to the journey, whether willingly or reluctantly.
  • Questions to ask: What pushes the protagonist into action? How do they react to being drawn into the story’s conflict?

Card 4: Obstacles

Obstacles and complications test the protagonist’s resolve and abilities.

  • What to look for: This card highlights the challenges the protagonist faces on their journey. These obstacles may be external (antagonists, events) or internal (self-doubt, fear).
  • Questions to ask: What are the key obstacles standing in the protagonist’s way? How do these challenges test their abilities or growth?

Card 5: Low Point

The protagonist is at their lowest, and must change to succeed.

  • What to look for: This card represents the protagonist’s lowest point, where they feel defeated or lost. It also signals a turning point where change is necessary for them to move forward.
  • Questions to ask: What brings the protagonist to their lowest point? What realization or transformation must they undergo to rise from this?

Card 6: Climax

The protagonist faces their greatest fears and the main conflict is resolved.

  • What to look for: The protagonist confronts their deepest fears and the story’s main conflict reaches its climax. This card reveals the resolution of the story’s central struggle.
  • Questions to ask: How does the protagonist face their greatest fear? What is the key moment of resolution?

Card 7: Resolution

Plot, emotional, and thematic conflicts are resolved.

  • What to look for: The final card represents the story’s conclusion. It wraps up the plot and emotional journey of the protagonist, resolving both external and internal conflicts.
  • Questions to ask: How has the protagonist changed? What thematic or emotional lessons have been learned? How does the story come to a satisfying resolution?

This spread helps you create a complete narrative arc, from introduction to resolution, guiding you through each critical step of the story. Let the cards inspire you to develop rich characters, layered conflicts, and a transformative journey for your protagonist.

 

Muddy Middle Spread

This three-card spread is designed to help you push through the “muddy middle” of your story—when momentum slows, and the way forward feels unclear.

Card 1: The Current Struggle

  • What’s causing you to feel stuck in the middle of your story?

This card identifies the source of the stagnation—whether it’s plot, character motivation, or a lack of clarity about where things are headed.

Card 2: The Missing Element

  • What’s needed to get the story moving again?

This card reveals what’s missing—a plot twist, a character’s motivation, or even an unexpected development that can reignite your creative energy.

Card 3: The Way Forward

  • What direction should you take to move past this blockage?

This card offers a clear action or path to get you out of the murky middle and back into the flow of your writing.

Use this spread to break free from the slow, sticky parts of your story and gain clarity on how to push forward with renewed momentum.

Feel free to experiment with these spreads or invent your own. The cards are tools to help you unlock creative ideas and overcome challenges, whether you need clarity, inspiration, or a fresh perspective. Happy writing!

Writing Coaching Inspiration: One River Is Like Another River

Working with writers can be tricky. They’re on a wild and unpredictable journey. As a coach, I want to help—but sometimes a writer’s goals can prove out of their (current) reach. That’s when I reach deep into my bag of writing coaching inspiration. I need to pull out something that both acknowledges the hard truth they’re facing and offers reassurance that there are still fine opportunities likely to arise for them.

Recently, I read a beautiful ancient tale—one of discouragement followed by unlikely success. Told in Dianne Skafte’s LISTENING TO THE ORACLE, it’s the story of a Greek soldier who loses his way in enemy territory. He is supposed to meet up with his troop on the banks of a certain river. They plan to board a ship there and travel to a town friendly to their cause. Having hired a guide to help him get to his destination safely, the soldier is devastated to find he has been led to a different river!

He berates his guide, only to be met with a shrug—and this enigmatic response: “One river is like another river.” What? But in fact, appearing on the shores of this river is a small boat captained by a man who agrees to take the soldier back to the friendly town that was his original aim.

Once the soldier disembarks from the small boat in the town, he learns, to his horror, that the ship with his mates was captured and all aboard were killed.

Writing coaching inspiration

The soldier was not able to reach the river he aimed for. But he was guided to another river that carried him to safe harbor.

Similarly, when we set our sights on big writing goals, it may be that we can’t reach them—or not at this time. Whether we want to publish in a major magazine or attract an agent to represent us, our desired outcomes may be (temporarily) unattainable.

That’s when it’s time to scout out another river. Reset your goals. Aim to get published in a regional magazine, rather than in O Magazine. Agents can be tough to impress. Consider submitting your manuscript to small press editors instead. Match your target to your current abilities to meet it.

Fortunately, different from this Ancient Greek tale, no one is likely to die in the literary trenches. But when we’re rejected, it hurts. Still, it’s a wise Modern writer who will remember the motto of that Ancient Greek guide. One river is like another river. So look around. A boat you never imagined might appear on a river you didn’t notice. And you might find, ultimately, you are carried exactly where you want to go.

Need some clarity about your writing goals? A consultation with a top writing coach might help! Let’s chat.

Writing coaching inspiration with Jamie Morris, pictured smiling. Writing is a powerful and compelling endeavor. If you are setting goals but not meeting them, though, you might need a different approach—or more nuanced goals. With over a dozen years’ experience helping writers take their work to the next level, I might be able to show you how to make similar strides. Schedule a free writing consultation with me. Also, check out THE WRITER mag article “Should I Hire a Writing Coach.”

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